May 11th, 2002

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Frustrated with Mom again

I have to admit, I'm very tired of my mom already. She acts so much like a child, not wanting to take responsibility for her actions, and she seems to have so little idea of what's really going on. I feel like I have to be her parent, but she still tries to act as mine.

I don't know how to keep dealing with this, other than cleaning up my room enough that I don't mind spending all my time up here. I think once I start working, I'm going to be buying most of my own food as well... And I'll need to hide the sweets or somehow make them off-limits to her. I thought I had been frustrated with my family situation in highschool, but that was before my parents split, and my mom was diagnosed as a diabetic. I wish she would just take charge of her life, even the uncomfortable parts. I just don't know how much effort I have to make to help her.
  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated
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I should be cleaning, but instead, I'm writing. This has been a pattern.

Grr. I really should be working on cleaning my room, but it's so hard to motivate myself. It's livable the way it is now, why should I put so much effort in? But I know I'll be happier with a cleaner room. I also want to get a good start on it before I start working, because I know I'll be too tired to do much cleaning or other house/yardwork then. At least I got the lawn mowed today. And I did enjoy Lori's graduation, even though I resented my mom for basically dragging me there.

Even though I have something to do (cleaning), I feel bored. I want something interesting to do. That's probably why I've been reading so much in the past two days. I wish nightskyre could have stayed longer, but his presence probably was keeping me from doing some work. I didn't read my Bible at all while he was here, and still didn't this morning. And I didn't start any of this cleaning in my room until today.

I need to keep working on contentment. The best ways I can see to do this are to read my Bible, clean my room, and somehow continually deal with my mother enough so that I'm not bothered by her. The first two methods seem attainable...
  • Current Music
    Female of the Species - Space