On the other hand, I still don't like the new choir director. I just don't get along with his style very well. Also, if I rejoin at this point, I will no longer have the opportunity to be in a co-ed choir, I'll have to be in Alden Voices instead. I guess I don't mind the all-girls thing as much as I used to, at least as far as singing is concerned, but I still prefer a mixed group. Guys are just more fun!
I'm also worried that rejoining choir would hurt my work in school (and out of it, if I still have a job with Dyn after summer's over). I know this year is going to be really busy, and I have to get a lot done.
The top thing I'm nervous about is that I wouldn't enjoy it if I went back. I don't want to go because I feel obligated, I want to go because I'm enjoying it. And I know the concerts have an uncanny way of cutting into my most important weekends.
I'm so confused. I miss singing - it was a major part of my life for 10 years. That's half my lifetime... I feel.... like less of a person without it. It's the one activity that held my life together - from elementary school all the way up through college; no matter what else was going on in my life, I still had choir, at least once a week. And choir was fun. I got to sing great pieces of music, with other talented singers, and prepare for concerts that people really enjoyed. Singing on my own just isn't the same. I miss the camraderie. I miss having someone to really push me to challenge myself. My voice lessons give me so much freedom - but I don't even know where to start. I want someone to keep showing me what great music is out there. I want a reason to practice, to really get the music mastered, especially when it's difficult.
I want to sing more by Mozart and Handel and Gershwin. I miss the chance to enjoy the creative genius of these composers - the creativity that I envy, because I know I don't have it. Talent I have, some might even say too much talent for just another techie geek... but I wish I could write just one song as beautiful as those men did. I wish I could write something, perform something, and be remembered, be noticed - not by the whole world, I'm not that conceited - but by a group larger than just my family? Singing the music of the great composers is the closest I'll ever get to that. I think I need to keep doing it. I want to use the small talent I have.