?

Log in

No account? Create an account
avatar

My life as journaled

Because I'm boring like that


Previous Entry Share Next Entry
avatar

Ramblings on Singing

I've been thinking lately, reconsidering my decision to drop out of choir at WPI. I keep seeing all the cool stuff they're going to be doing this coming year... and I really miss singing in a choir. Singing hymns at church just doesn't cut it. Taking voice lessons helps, but I've always felt more comfortable being the strong voice in a choir than forced to confront my own weaknesses in solo singing. ;-)

On the other hand, I still don't like the new choir director. I just don't get along with his style very well. Also, if I rejoin at this point, I will no longer have the opportunity to be in a co-ed choir, I'll have to be in Alden Voices instead. I guess I don't mind the all-girls thing as much as I used to, at least as far as singing is concerned, but I still prefer a mixed group. Guys are just more fun!

I'm also worried that rejoining choir would hurt my work in school (and out of it, if I still have a job with Dyn after summer's over). I know this year is going to be really busy, and I have to get a lot done.

The top thing I'm nervous about is that I wouldn't enjoy it if I went back. I don't want to go because I feel obligated, I want to go because I'm enjoying it. And I know the concerts have an uncanny way of cutting into my most important weekends.

I'm so confused. I miss singing - it was a major part of my life for 10 years. That's half my lifetime... I feel.... like less of a person without it. It's the one activity that held my life together - from elementary school all the way up through college; no matter what else was going on in my life, I still had choir, at least once a week. And choir was fun. I got to sing great pieces of music, with other talented singers, and prepare for concerts that people really enjoyed. Singing on my own just isn't the same. I miss the camraderie. I miss having someone to really push me to challenge myself. My voice lessons give me so much freedom - but I don't even know where to start. I want someone to keep showing me what great music is out there. I want a reason to practice, to really get the music mastered, especially when it's difficult.

I want to sing more by Mozart and Handel and Gershwin. I miss the chance to enjoy the creative genius of these composers - the creativity that I envy, because I know I don't have it. Talent I have, some might even say too much talent for just another techie geek... but I wish I could write just one song as beautiful as those men did. I wish I could write something, perform something, and be remembered, be noticed - not by the whole world, I'm not that conceited - but by a group larger than just my family? Singing the music of the great composers is the closest I'll ever get to that. I think I need to keep doing it. I want to use the small talent I have.