Anitra Smith (anitra) wrote,
Anitra Smith

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Yet another rant about the same stuff. (I can't get it off my mind)

I am sick and tired of not having a car, and not having a "real" job. I'd really like to be earning more than $100-$150/week. Of course, that's not going to be possible during the school year anyway, but that's beside the point.

God must be trying to teach me a lesson about when to depend on others and when to stand up and do things myself. I guess I have it all turned around right now. I'd really like someone else to do all the work in applying to schools and whatnot, but I have to buckle up to doing that - essays, GRE, getting recommendations, the works. On the other hand, I'm having very little luck in providing for myself or trying to find a job myself - so I guess in that area I need to depend on other people, specifically nightskyre and my parents. I really want to be self-sufficient.. or at least have the illusion that I am. But I'm going to have to sit down with my dad next week and tell him exactly how much money I'm going to need this year, and for what (GRE, grad applications, voice lessons so I can get my Humanities project done). I'm probably still going to be asking for money for books and food and stuff on top of that. I'd also really like to be responsible for my own job - but that's only going to happen if I'm an SA. I've "applied" within the CS department, and I've looked around all day for how to apply in the Math department with no luck. I have a feeling it's getting awfully late for this stuff, especially for the fall. I'd prefer to not work at all this school year, as I have my MQP and grad school, etc. to worry about, but I need the money too much. So I'm probably going to end up depending on Nightskyre to drive me to and from the same job he's planning on continuing in - IF I can get into the job for the fall.

I'd like to talk to someone who's been through all of this before - especially the nervousness about what comes after WPI, and what they did to deal with it. Unfortunately, the only person I can think of is my mom, and all she's going to do is tell me how I should have stayed home this summer because I could have made so much more money.

Why does life have to be so hard? I can't wait for school to start so I have something else to think about other than how worried I am about my future. Over this, homework is a breeze.

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